I’m sat (29th March) reflecting on things and changes. My focus is on preparing myself for the chemo starting on the 10th April as best I can. I feel like the ups and downs of different tests and results being discussed are over and out of the way for the moment, and I now need to ‘build myself up’ both physically and mentally. I feel like im working towards a mini goal of the 10th of April, that being the next test. I’m feeling really positive at the moment – really really positive. I think I’m really positive person, especially with situations, I always feel like I can take a positive from a lot of things no matter what the circumstances. Glass half full? Na, glass overflowing, pouring onto the floor and I’m apologizing profusely for the mess. Seriously though, a positive perspective really has helped because nothing is ever as bad as you imagine it can be, prepare yourself for the worst if you want but always hope for the best.
Throughout this whole thing I’ve been on the whole very positive but interspersed phases of real anxiety and uncertainty at times crippling me. I don’t suffer from any sort of anxiety, however I do like to have a sense of control over situations and the lack of control I felt I had over all of this happening was difficult.
I get very stressed with work at times (own business, dealing with black Friday chaos etc- not a relaxing time!) but in perspective this stress has far exceeded anything I’ve ever experienced. I’ll certainly appreciate my health more from now on, health is really everything and my perspective on things in life has definitely changed. I don’t mean like when people say ‘new year, new me’ on January 1st, but in a deep rooted fundamental basics kind of way. I can’t put it into words properly, but perspective is so key, never lose perspective on any situation. So much has come down to ‘mind over matter’, I’ve almost had to only allow myself certain times to feel the emotion and stress of the news to ensure it doesn’t swallow me up, but you get through it, I feel like I’ve processed everything now and I’m ready for the next stage.
to be continued….